


With Nasty, Big, Pointy Teeth

by NamelesslyNightlock



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: And probably also an advil, Bunny Loki, Established Relationship, M/M, Secret Relationship, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, loki is a little shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-02
Updated: 2018-09-02
Packaged: 2019-07-05 19:43:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15870456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NamelesslyNightlock/pseuds/NamelesslyNightlock
Summary: “Oh,” said Tony, staring down at the rabbit in the middle of the battlefield. “Shit.”Or, the one in which Loki has mysteriously gone missing, Tony has acquired a cute but rather rude pet, and Thor is mightily suspicious of a rabbit.





	With Nasty, Big, Pointy Teeth

**Author's Note:**

> This is the result of taking advice from [this post](http://quietlyapocalyptic.tumblr.com/post/177613847489). Am I doing it right?  
>   
> And of course, the title is from _Monty Python and the Holy Grail_.  
>   
> 

When Loki fired the blast of magic in his direction, Tony reflected it on one of his new nanotech shields without a thought. He had only just incorporated them into the suit and knew Loki wouldn’t be expecting it. He also knew that Loki’s attacks (at least the ones directed at him) were more for show than anything else these days, and he trusted that it wouldn’t be something deadly.

He should have realised that Loki would shoot at him with a spell that aimed to _humiliate_.

“Oh,” said Tony, staring down at the rabbit in the middle of the battlefield. “Shit.”

It was rather small, for a rabbit, though to be honest Tony couldn’t claim much hands-on experience in the actual fluffy bunny department. The closest he’d ever got to a bunny was probably at a slutty Halloween frat party during his time in MIT, but despite the gaps in his knowledge he was quite certain that rabbits shouldn’t be able to glare like that. And while he _was_ aware that some rabbits could be born with bright red eyes, he was sure that was only supposed to be the white ones. This animal, however, was pitch, pitch black, the splash of scarlet that filled even the ‘whites’ of the rabbit’s eyes and the pale blue-grey of the inside of his ears the only part that wasn’t dark.

The red eyes really did give the glare an impressive feel, even if he was so very, very fluffy.

“Iron Man?” Steve’s voice came in over the comms, worried and concerned. “Are you alright? Things seem to have gone quiet over there.”

“Yeah, fine,” Tony replied, before gesturing for JARVIS to mute the feed.

He knew that it wouldn’t be long before the Avengers came looking, and while a rabbit wasn’t inherently suspicious, he couldn’t afford to draw any undue attention. It wasn’t like him to pick up creatures from the middle of the street, but he couldn’t just leave the rabbit to fend for himself. He’d have to just get out of there quick.

“Right,” said Tony, bending down and reaching out. “I’m afraid this isn’t going to be terribly dignified, but you don’t really have a choice.”

Tony was insanely glad that his gauntlets were made of a gold-titanium alloy. Who knew what damage a godly rabbit’s teeth could have done to bare skin?

—~•~—

Tony was sitting at the bar, his chin resting on his flattened hands so that he was eye-to-bright-red-eye with the fluffy creature before him. It didn’t seem right that a rabbit could be granted the ability to arch an eyebrow quite so impressively– even more so taking into account the fact that rabbits didn’t even _have_ eyebrows, and especially considering how long it took Tony to acquire the skill himself.

“Look,” he said, trying to keep his voice even when the rabbit narrowed his eyes at the tone. “I’m happy to keep you here for the duration, but I need to ask. How long is this going to last?”

The rabbit’s nose twitched in annoyance.

“You don’t know?” Tony guessed. The rabbit rested his chin against his front feet with an irritated squeak. Or was it paws? Do rabbits have paws?

“I guess it’s not all bad,” Tony said with a shrug, allowing a smirk to begin to play at the corners of his lips. “I could make you a little helmet to match the one you normally wear. You’d look like a Jackalope—“

It was probably a good thing they were interrupted. The rabbit looked about ready to murder him, otherwise.

“Okay,” said Clint, dropping down from a vent and causing Tony to spin around in his chair. “I’m not judging man, really, but– are you talking to a rabbit?”

“How’d you get in here?” Tony asked before glaring up the ceiling. “JARVIS—“

“Agent Barton has unrestricted access to the penthouse, Sir,” JARVIS replied. Then, after a pause, he added– “All of the Avengers do.”

At least the rest of the team were civilised enough to use the elevator, Tony supposed.

“We heard you got a new pet,” said Steve, moving closer. “He’s cute.”

Unlike most animals, it seemed that the little black rabbit did _not_ appreciate the compliment.

“Dude,” said Clint, leaning away. “I’ve always thought Monty Python must have been on something when they wrote the Holy Grail, but this rabbit could give theirs a run for its money.”

“Careful,” Tony warned. “He might take it as a challenge.”

It wasn’t that the rabbit’s mouth moved, but rather something about the spark in his eyes that gave the impression of a smirk.

“Hmm,” said Thor.

Tony made sure that his expression was carefully blank as Steve asked Thor if he was all right.

“I would recognise that glare anywhere,” Thor told them, and the rabbit’s glower darkened impossibly further. “I learned to recognise it on any creature from quite a young age. It was rather necessary for survival.”

“Well that’s ominous,” muttered Bruce, eyeing the rabbit in concern.

“You need not worry, though,” Thor told them. “Loki had always had a fondness for green, and he always leaves his eyes that colour. It is… unlikely that this rabbit is him.”

The rabbit’s ears perked up instantly in clear interest.

Tony sighed, sure he would be seeing a lot of venomous, brown-eyed snakes around the Tower in the near future.

“It is not impossible, though,” Thor continued. He narrowed his gaze at the rabbit, who finally let off on his glare in favour of pressing his nose against Tony’s hand. Tony couldn’t decide if it was a simple vie for attention or an attempt to throw Thor off the scent. Honestly, either was equally viable.

Clint, meanwhile, was exchanging a ‘subtle’ glance with Natasha that quite clearly translated to _poor guy, even sees his traitor brother in rabbits, these days._

“Well,” said Tony, clearing his throat and bringing the rabbit closer to his chest, ignoring the way he wiggled in annoyance at the sudden movement. “If we’re all done here, would you mind leaving me in peace? Honestly, rabbit’s fine. He hasn’t done anything other than look at me with possible murderous intent when I made the mistake of offering him a carrot.”

Rather than leaving, Thor narrowed his eyes in suspicion. “Has the creature ever tried to pick up a knife?”

—~•~—

Despite Thor’s protests, the rabbit joined them for family movie night and, to almost everyone’s horror, had taken up residence in the bowl of buttered popcorn.

Tony was more surprised than anyone else– the Loki he knew would never voluntarily allow himself to get so greasy, but at least Thor had managed to relax enough at the sight to glance at the TV every now and then. Also, the butter soaking into the black fur meant that Tony – and everyone else – was rather disinclined to pat him, and it also meant that he had a supply of food all to himself, a fact that he seemed to be enjoying with enthusiastic, though still regal nibbles.

“Can rabbits even eat popcorn?” Clint asked, leaning over the back of the couch to watch the proceedings worriedly. “What if it’s like, how chocolate is for dogs?”

“I’m sure he’ll be fine,” Tony shrugged.

“I’m going to check.” Clint pulled out his phone.

“Have you named him yet?” asked Steve, and the rabbit’s head stuck up over the edge of the bowl, his red eyes narrowed in an unmistakable glare.

“I don’t think he wants to be named,” said Tony. “Look at him– are you willing to risk picking something he wouldn’t like?”

Steve looked about to respond, but the rabbit scrunched up his nose and a squeak that really shouldn’t have been menacing erupted from between his bared teeth. Swallowing his words, Steve leaned back in the armchair.

“дураки,” Natasha said fondly, taking a handful from the bowl of plain popcorn at her end of the couch.

“Google just says it’ll make him fat,” said Clint, putting away his phone. “But it won’t hurt him.”

A moment later, Tony had a buttery rabbit settling down in his lap, the bowl of popcorn having been pushed off the side-table to spread all the way across the floor.

Clint blinked.

“Do you think he heard that?” asked Thor, his expression pinched as he looked over from his beanbag.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” said Natasha, the only one with her gaze still on the screen. “He’s a rabbit.”

“Is he though?”

“Thor, you are entirely too suspicious about this,” said Tony, glaring at the buttery puddle on his lap. The rabbit merely blinked up at him, a picture of innocence. “I need a shower.”

“Leave the little guy here,” said Bruce, reaching over the side-table, but he instantly drew back his hand with a cry as blood welled on the tip of his finger. “He bit me,” Bruce said incredulously, stating the obvious.

Thor opened his mouth, but Tony cut him off before he could continue.

“He needs shower too,” Tony said, keeping his hold on the rabbit firm and his fingers clear of the sharp teeth as he stood.

The rabbit wiggled and tried to get free, but Tony held tight.

“Oh, no,” he said sternly, glaring down at the little struggling ball of fluff. “You brought his upon yourself.”

The rabbit didn’t bite again, but he sure did give one hell of a glare.

—~•~—

Tony could count the number of times he had ever heard Pepper make adorable cooing sounds on one hand.

There was the time that Dummy had drawn Tony a picture, all red and yellow squiggles over a piece of graphing paper that didn’t look anything remotely close to Iron Man, but Pepper had insisted on getting it framed nonetheless. Then there was the time Tony had woken up on the couch to the sound of a StarkPhone camera shutter and realised he’d fallen asleep while helping Peter with his homework. The time that Tony tried to make Rhodey a birthday cake and ended up getting flour absolutely _everywhere_ did not count, because that coo had been grafted onto a laugh like an attempt at sabotaging a genuine reaction. So, he supposed, the sound that fell from Pepper’s lips when she spotted the black rabbit swiping at a StarkPad made three.

“Don’t do that,” said Tony, crossing his arms and definitely _not_ pouting. “He’s only reading, it’s not like he’s learning thermonuclear astrophysics overnight, _and_ he’s got terrible taste in books.”

“I wouldn’t say that,” said Pepper, craning her neck to glance at the StarkPad. When the rabbit squeaked angrily up at her, she merely gave him an indulgent smile before glancing back to Tony. “I’m rather fond of Jane Austen.”

Tony rolled his eyes as Pepper pulled an apple from the bowl on the bar. She sliced a piece off with the fruit knife, and then moved to sit on the couch opposite where the rabbit and his StarkPad were perched upon the coffee table. She held out the piece of apple, not forcing but waiting patiently.

Tony snorted. “That’s not going to work.”

And maybe it wouldn’t have if he’d kept his mouth shut, but the moment he’d said the words the rabbit gave a little evil huff, hopped over to Pepper and took a bite out of the offered apple, staring spitefully at Tony as he did so.

Tony was left to watch incredulously as Pepper reached out slowly and scratched at a spot between the rabbit’s ears. Rather than shying away, he began to make a strange grinding noise as those red eyes fell closed.

“Aw,” Pepper cooed. “I think he’s purring.”

“Rabbits don’t purr,” Tony muttered, shooting the rabbit a glare.

When the rabbit opened his eyes, Tony could have sworn he caught a glimpse of another smirk.

He was fucking _smug_.

“I think I’m jealous,” Tony complained.

Pepper, the traitor, simply laughed.

—~•~—

Rabbits snore.

Well, rabbits who were actually Norse gods magically transformed into tiny fluffy bunnies do, with their small chests rising and falling in tandem with breathy squeaks and cute little nose twitches.

Tony made this discovery at the very same time he learned that Steve cooed with almost as much adorableness as Pepper did, and he wasn’t entirely sure what he was supposed to do with the newly acquired information.

The cooing, that is. He would be using the snoring thing to tease Loki incessantly later.

You know. If– _when_ – Loki turned back.

They had been meeting up to discuss the fact that Loki seemed to have mysteriously disappeared– ( _“He has not, he is in this very room,” Thor had argued, narrowing his eyes at the visibly amused rabbit_ ) –so of course the fluffy bastard had demanded to come along. And by _demanded_ , Tony of course means that there were teeth and glares and squeals and mad hopping dashes for the open elevator involved. But as soon as they had arrived and Steve had begun talking logistics, the rabbit had nodded off in Tony’s lap.

The whole meeting was derailed after that. Tony wasn’t complaining, exactly, but he wouldn’t have minded a bit of extra time running his hand through the soft fur without suffering complaints. It was nice, but there was something about it that left a lump in Tony’s throat.

—~•~—

For quite some time now it had been Tony’s fondest and deepest wish for Loki to be able to live in the Tower with him, to always be close without constantly looking over their shoulders, waiting to be caught. He’d longed for moments where they could simply be, when they could sit beside each other on the couch without the veil of secrecy.

Well, any of the Avengers could walk in on them now, and they wouldn’t bat an eyelid.

“Be careful what you wish for, I suppose,” Tony muttered bitterly.

A soft nose nudging at his elbow drew him out of his thoughts, and he glanced down in confusion to see the rabbit by his side. There was warmth in those red eyes as they stared up at him, worry and concern bleeding through even though it was clear that he was aiming for comfort. Tony obligingly ran his fingers through the soft black fur, but in that moment comfort was something that Tony found difficult to accept.

“I miss you,” Tony said.

The rabbit pressed against Tony’s hand once again and Tony hugged him close, wishing not for the first time since the beginning of the ordeal that Loki could hug him back.

—~•~—

When the spell wore off and Loki turned back into himself, he was in the middle of the dinner table sitting in the salad bowl, nibbling daintily on a leaf of spinach. The transformation was quite sudden, actually– one moment there was a small rabbit happily at home amongst the crockery, and the next there was a god sprawled across the table in full battle armour, horned helmet and all.

“Surprise,” he drawled, and then took another bite of spinach.

Natasha’s eyebrows arched higher than what was probably natural, and Steve stood from the table comically fast, his chair falling backwards. Bruce had closed his eyes and was breathing heavily while Thor was on his feet too, Mjölnir at the ready and muscles tense, as if he were expecting Loki to stab him or something.

Well, to be honest, that made a certain level of sense.

“Great timing,” Tony sighed, knowing there was absolutely no point in acting dumb. Loki merely smirked, and finished chewing on his leafy greens. He was clearly expecting Tony to get him out of the situation.

“Tony,” said Steve, his tone low and long-suffering despite the way his gaze didn’t leave the newly transformed god for a moment. “Did you really have Loki up in your rooms this whole time?”

“I knew it,” Thor crowed, slamming a fist on the table. He kept Mjölnir in his other hand, though, obviously not considering the risk diminished. “I was right!”

“About the rabbit or about the fact that they’re sleeping together?” asked Natasha.

“How can you possibly have worked that out,” Tony asked incredulously. “He’s been a rabbit for the past three days—“

“Exactly,” said Natasha.

Thor blanched, and Loki took the opportunity to climb off the table, managing to look as graceful as ever despite the specks of the chicken dinner clinging to his armour. He moved to stand beside Tony’s chair, his grin proving that he was quite enjoying the present situation. If it weren’t for the way that Loki had spent most of his time as a rabbit sporting a permanent scowl, Tony almost might have begun to think that Loki had orchestrated the entire thing.

“You had to have seen it happen to him, the rabbit appeared right after our last battle with Loki,” Natasha continued. “There’s no way you’d let an enemy sleep in your penthouse, rabbit or not.”

“You also flirt on the battlefield,” Bruce said grudgingly. “I’ve had to listen to it over the comms often enough while waiting for a Code Green. I thought it was just you being you, but Natasha’s right.”

She grinned, and nodded. “Put the two together and…” Her grin turned into a laugh. “You have to admit, the self-proclaimed master of magic accidentally turning himself into rabbit is rather amusing."

“No,” Loki denied, finally speaking up. “This was hardly an accident. It was a cunning plan, a clever trick to gain information—“

“If that were the case you wouldn’t have fallen asleep in the middle of our meeting yesterday,” Steve pointed out.

“You’re not fooling anyone, Caerbannog,” said Tony, and although it was clear that Loki didn’t get the reference the glare proved that he understood the tone. Tony grinned. “Sorry to break it to you, sweetheart, but that was almost more impressive when you were a rabbit.”

“It was the teeth,” Bruce agreed. “Maybe the eyes.”

“This was _your_ fault,” Loki said, rounding on Tony. “If you had not started this mess—“

“Hey, you shot first,” Tony complained, seeing the opportunity to say something he’d wanted to since the beginning. “I can’t believe you tried to turn me into a rabbit!”

“I cannot believe you rebounded my spell,” Loki whined back.

“Well,” said Bruce. “I can’t believe there’s _two_ of you. I don’t think my nerves can take more than just the one.”

“I think I preferred it when Loki was a rabbit,” agreed Natasha. She turned to Clint, her expression gleaming with the mirth of an expected tag-team joke, but the archer was still looking a little shell-shocked.

“Oh god,” he said, his eyes wide and his cheeks pale. “I let Loki eat my popcorn.”

Tony couldn’t help it. Buoyed by the fact that Loki was finally back to normal and that the Avengers both knew and hadn’t attacked either of them (yet), he took the opportunity to lean up and wrap his arms around Loki’s waist, relishing in the fact that he finally _could_.

They were forced to duck under the table a moment later to avoid a crack of lightning that took out the Tower’s whole power grid– but the kiss on the floor under the table afterwards?

Worth it.


End file.
